People are wondering why.
I don’t. I know exactly why she did it. The problem with mothers of autistic people is that they’re human beings. We require a minimal amount of sleep and potential solutions. We perform best when we have hope and get grouchy when it runs out.
Without realizing it families of autistic people often isolate themselves. When you’re caring for someone with an illness where symptoms are intensified by the world you tend to avoid the world without even realizing it. You stay home and keep the world out. You’re so overwhelmed and feel like you just want to be left alone a little while to catch up, to catch your breath. You’re holed up with this cacophony of madness. You lose the few but essential scraps of hope, perspective and support the community may want to provide, and the community isn’t there to witness the lonely spiral.
You truly go mad. I don’t think moms tend to snap more because fathers aren’t attentive or just as overwhelmed, but my experience has been that you’re faced with a million where everyone is looking to mommy for an answer. And often there’s just no answer. You eventually just try to handle everything on your own.
There’s no good answer for it. It just sucks.
It also seems like this is happening as kids are coming of age. Or when they should be coming of age. A couple of years ago I would hate running errands with him because his symptoms just looked like bratty behavior to civilians. The last year I’ve noticed people seem a lot warmer to us. It’s partly because he’s improved, but also because he’s older, so it’s clear there’s “something up” with him. Autistic people look normal, so as they get older their weaknesses become more pronounced. Lord of the Flies will be nine in July, and I’ve been thinking a lot more about whether he’ll graduate from high school, college, live on his own, get married or have his own family.
These women are likely facing the reality that their predicament will likely last the rest of their lives and the worry about what will happen to their children after their gone.