Category: THE PEOPLE

September 13, 2012

my world is literally on fire

Photo by high school classmate/photographer Jodi Stehr. I believe taken from her house. Like her FB page: http://www.facebook.com/stehrstepsphotography

A lightning storm Saturday night started a slew of brush and wildfires in Central Washington. The midwest has tornadoes, the coast has hurricanes and we have fires; it’s part of living here.

But the only time I remember them being this close to town was the one that burned my sister’s home and twenty others to the ground two decades ago. That one was started by some kids playing with matches in the foothills behind her house on a very windy day. My sister and two youngest nieces barely got out with their lives as the fire barreled down the hill and erupted as embers hit covenant required cedar shake roofs. I’ll never forget walking in my mom’s house to find my then 2-year-old niece obliviously playing by the fireplace and safe (aqua t-shirt, diaper, flaming red hair), my sister knowing for sure their house was gone when she called and didn’t get a dial tone and getting to see me genius brother-in-law pull the diamond from her ring out of the rubble.

I still shudder to think of how close we came to losing them. We’re so grateful no one lost their lives, and yes, it’s just stuff. But the tragedy of losing the home you’ve built, physically and figuratively is indeed traumatic and life-altering.

I’m always amazed at how rarely we lose life and property. In this case there’s warning, so everyone who needs to evacuate is ready to go at this point. So far we’ve lost a barn, but hundreds of homes remain in danger and there are fires which haven’t even been responded to yet.

We live in a pretty great community. Individuals are reaching out to help the displaced and businesses are comping the fire crews and evacuees, including a yoga studio and, most importantly, a downtown pub.

It’s smoky, especially since the winds died down a few days ago. It’s not healthy, but I guess I prefer it to weather that would fuel the fire even more. Not everyone sees it that way, but our entire region is on fire and we’ve lost a barn. I’m stoked… so to speak.

May 28, 2012

memorial burgers

My dad missed WWII by a few weeks. He early enlisted in the Navy, so he wouldn’t get drafted into the Army and have to sleep in the dirt. At least that’s what he used to say. A few years before he died something about Normandy came on the TV. He was visibly shaken, pissed and said something to the effect of, “they just threw those boys off the boat.”

I’m not interested in arguing about whether he was right or wrong, but that was the moment it finally got through my head, as much as it can, that this shit isn’t a story from an old book or movie. Real lives… thousands and thousands and thousands of them. My dad’s reaction was because they were his peers and his friends, and in recent wars they volunteered.

Most of us “honor” them by changing our profile pics – maybe a parade, then we eat and go to white sales or watch war movies on AMC and congratulate each other for it. Most of us are pussies.

May 6, 2012

Please support my participation in Relay for Life

On June 15 & 16 I’m participating in the American Cancer Society’s 2012 Relay for Life, and I think you should click on my page and donate some money.

Personal friends, family and regulars know we lost my father and best friend to prostate cancer in February 2008. I wrote about that when my friend was participating in the Prostate Cancer Foundation’s Movember fundraiser.

I have to confess, I want to roll my eyes when people talk about curing cancer. I find that sort of simple and really unrealistic. I’m motivated to help fund research to improve treatments, lengths and quality of life for cancer patients regardless of prognosis.

dadjack — Dad and Jack. The treatment that kept his PSA at bay for these years caused weight gain, but he didn't look to concerned about it here.

My dad lost his second bout with cancer, but survived his first, living seven more good years. The care and treatment he received allowed him to be with us for so many more moments. Memories of those special occasions and ordinary days are all precious to our family. For me, him being there for my wedding and to meet my children are blessings I never assumed I would have, and I will always regard them as three of the greatest gifts of my life. Him living long enough to see me generally pull my head out of my ass was a relief too.

dadcharlotte — Charlotte's 1st birthday, dad's 79th. I'm convinced he still influences a lot of her hell-raising.

Please consider giving so others can have the comfort and options and time my father had and more.

May 6, 2012

zen and the art of being more like adam yauch

I still can’t settle on a headline capitalization policy.

It’s 11:45. Between the supermoon and our city’s version of Mardi Gras I ain’t sleepin’. My brother-in-law is in town helping remodel my mother’s bathroom, so every room in the house with upholstered seating has a slumbering human in it. I’m holed up in the half bath, wide awake and worried about loud typing. The woman who was literally howling for four hours straight finally quit as Vlad’s creepy snoring started up.

Jenny is so awake.

Earlier, I read this Adam Yauch profile at The Awl. Turns out Dave Bry has what it takes to win a round of Six Degrees of MCA. He talks about Yauch’s gracefulness in accepting his cancer diagnosis. I’m not surprised. My rudimentary knowledge of Buddhism tells me they believe in rebirth and that human life in itself is suffering.

What I found more notable was Yauch’s ease in regards to his own growth as a human being. The Beastie Boys I invoked in yesterday’s post were superficial party boys without much regard for respecting people or thinking too deeply about much of anything. Yauch was all in, yet we watched him mature to be a man of impeccable integrity. Bry remarks that Yauch was open, honest, at peace and very matter of fact about his past. Another tenet of Buddhism is not dwelling on the past. I assume this attitude of his that I envy…

There’s movement. I’m definitely typing too loud. Oh, faster makes it worse. Switching bathrooms. I’m back.

is due to his faith. I don’t dwell on the past, but I also find the cliche about not regretting your mistakes because they made you who you are today complete and utter bullshit. I’ve done things that have really hurt people in ways I’ll never make amends for. We all have. It is what it is, but it’s not okay. It’s not worth it, and I find any other sentiment offensive. It’s self-centered. These things don’t define me or effect my life in any meaningful way, but they will always bug me. they eat at me a little, and I don’t know that I want to be the kind of person not bugged by these things.

But Yauch seemed to accept himself, almost compartmentalized it. That would come in pretty handy. It’s odd how in many other areas of my life I find compartmentalizing a little too easy.

That’s it. No neat conclusion this time. Just needed to get those sheep counted.

This Rolling Stone interview from 1998 addresses Yauch’s journey to Buddhism and what it meant to him.

Update: “You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.”
? Saul Bellow

That’s the only reason this piece of crap is still here. Blame it on the big emo supermoon.

May 4, 2012

RIP MCA: a beautiful contradiction

It’s one of those things you always remember. Where you were when you first heard/fell in love with the Beastie Boys. For me it was at a kickball game in East Moline, Illinois in what must have been 1987. I know it was fifth grade because of who was there. License to Ill, specifically Brass Monkey. I picked up a new copy a few months ago, and we had no business listening to that. It’s gloriously vulgar, yet innocent, like adolescent boys with makeshift dry bars and panty-related agendas tend to be.

There aren’t many non-people things I’ve held on to consistently since then. Perhaps unconditional love for the Chicago Cubs (shut up) and the midwest. For most of my generation the Beastie Boys were responsible for a huge part of the soundtrack of our youth. As grown as we get cranking License to Ill, Paul’s Boutique or Check Your Head can, for a moment, take us back to an unincumbered, debaucherous and oddly innocent time, despite knowing the music was made by three pretty deep and thoughtful guys. Maybe that’s what makes it ok.

Today we lost Adam Yauch, MCA, to cancer at age 47. A beautiful contradiction. He leaves behind a wife, teenage daughter, his good works and an abbreviated lifetime of art that will continue to challenge us and provide us a reprieve from our adult woes.

crossposted at The Hunter S. Thompson Memorial Menstrual Shed and Champagne Room

April 29, 2012

AND THEY’LL KNOW WE ARE CHRISTIANS BY OUR… WAH-WAH!

Writer and activist Dan Savage is taking heat from conservatives for remarks he made concerning the scriptures many Christians use to base their opposition to homosexuality.

“We can learn to ignore the bull—t in the Bible about gay people, the same way, the same way we have learned to ignore the bull—t in the Bible about shellfish, about slavery, about dinner, about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation. We ignore bull—t in the Bible about all sorts of things,”

Some Christian students walked out. Savage finished those remarks moments later and referred to the students who left as pansy-asses.

For this there is now a call from conservatives (many of whom I call friends) to Viacom (owner of MTV where Savage just launched his own show) to fire him.

I find that absurd and short-sighted. Perhaps he should be criticized for using words like bullshit and pansy-assed when addressing an audience that young, but it’s not worth sharpening your pitchforks over (chill, it’s metaphor).

I’m not going to get into the merits of Dan Savage’s Bible interpretation. Him being right or wrong isn’t the point. I will say that Christians attacking him have once again missed an opportunity to defend scripture. Instead of walking out (which started the second he said Bible, before there was anything to deem offensive) and pressuring his boss to can him, those offended should have used this as an opportunity to counter his theology. They instead chose to send a message that Christians are intolerant and unable or unwilling to bother defending or explaining their faith, to which the conclusion is often that it’s because they can’t.

Besides all of that, this boycott mentality that both political extremes use now is hypocritical, wrong and short-sighted. This is no different from Media Matters having a team dedicated to bullying Glenn Beck’s sponsors, effectively trying to get him fired for saying things they didn’t like. I will say this is a little more serious than Don Imus. He was villified over one word, but you can see how the same faulty logic was used there. There are plenty more examples of this silliness on both ends of the spectrum.

This crap is wrong because the punishment just doesn’t fit the crime. It’s hypocritical because both sides do it, and it’s short-sighted because you’re giving the opponent grounds to give it back to you when the opportunity presents itself (and it will). No, technically Dan Savage’s free speech wasn’t violated, but creating this environment where anyone with a controversial opinion and notable platform are having their livelihoods routinely threatened for using it is truly regressive.

That’s not good for liberty or free speech or progress or unity.

And refusing to listening to opposing points of view sure as hell isn’t good for aspiring journalists who are still expected to at least pretend to set their personal feelings aside when covering a story. On the other hand, points for non-conformity.

*Some are invoking other provocative things Savage has said as grounds for their overreaction. That’s the political equivalent of a spouse bringing up past when losing a marital spat. I’m not interested.

*I’m also not buying that this is a case of the guy who started “It Gets Better” being guilty of bullying. Although I wonder if Bret Easton Ellis’s approach isn’t better? Probably not though.

March 9, 2012

March 9, 1952

momdadwedding — Herb and Martha Dailing: March 9, 1952

My dad died in 2008, but today would have been their 60th anniversary. I love this picture. Yes, my mother wore a rocked a suit at her wedding. It wasn’t that unusual at the time, and she’s a practical woman. And she ROCKED it.

My mother has never filled a gas tank. She could have if she had to, but dad always took care of it, and now my brother-in-law does. There were things Dad never had to do either. Their marriage was traditional but fair.

February 8, 2012

KATE WINSLET’S AUTISM SCRAPBOOK

Kate Winslet is on the cover of Ladies’ Home Journal promoting her new book about autism even though her children aren’t autistic. First thought? ”Holy unsolicited advice, Batman!” However, I’ve spent the last few months complaining that it seems like the some of the general public pays autism a lot of lip service, then won’t believe and even mock families like ours who have seen first hand that the cause of this epidemic is environmental, dismiss the problem by saying it’s over-diagnosed or exhibit an array of other behavior that tell us they really aren’t interested in finding a solution.

They’ll call mothers like me heroes then give us the stink eye when our children have a meltdown at the grocery store. They’ll concur with me when I privately correct misinformation then turn right around and say it again (I can see your tweets). I’ve resigned myself to the fact that, while well meaning, many won’t “get it” until these children are adults having public meltdowns, unable to live independently, are unfit for combat and draining social services. Most maddening is the fact that what is happening to these children is utter bullshit and likely preventable.

So while the notion of Kate Winslet writing a book about autism is like Taylor Swift writing about gang violence, perhaps we should be grateful for the gesture and welcome her to the conversation.

(Notice I didn’t say cause of autism. Most of us, including Jenny McCarthy, believe people with regressive autism are born with a genetic predisposition which is triggered by something(s) we have in our environment today that we didn’t used too.)

UPDATE: It turns out the book is some sort of picture book. Celebrities were photographed in some hat to support autism awareness. It came about after Winslet narrated an autism documentary, and she’s started her own autism charity. (I wish these people would just team up with established charities instead of starting a million new ones. It makes me think they have an altruism rider demanding top billing for good deeds.)

February 3, 2012

CAN’T WAITE FOR THIS WEEK TO BE OVER: SNOOKI, CANCER CHICKEN AND YOU

Roseanne Barr is running for president.

Whoever wrote her book called it It’s a Shore Thing for a reason. This week’s Jersey Shore was extra classy. Most notably, Snooki peed her pants on the dance floor and demonstrated how NOT to treat a UTI (drinking). The Situation referred to young ladies he would like to pursue sexually as “real estate”. Deanna got so day drunk they had to cut her extensions out. Or was that last week? Their boss from the t-shirt shop is bewildered by the group’s work ethic.

Don Cornelius is dead from an apparent suicide. Just because I’m not putting a joke about the irony of the “Soul Train” in relation to the beliefs some religions (wrong ones) have about where his soul is going here doesn’t mean I don’t have any.

Many years ago my mom was Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood’s secretary at an Illinois state level bureaucracy that oversaw other bureaucracies. No, really. In fact, while I was growing up she often cited stories from that job when explaining the ills of government red tape. I think my sister worked for him later on too.

Now his son, Sam LaHood, and his colleagues have been place on a no-fly list in Egypt. The organization they work for is monitoring elections there. It sounds like the organization is cramping the style of Egyptian security forces with allegedly sketchy agendas. Said sketchy guys found out LaHood’s connection to the Obama cabinet and are trying to exploit it. Egypt’s ambassador to the U.S. pinky-swears it will all get worked out. Meanwhile, LaHood and his colleagues are secluded at the U.S. embassy in Egypt.

Our family has great respect for Ray LaHood and the situation is at the top of our prayer lists. We ask you remember them in yours. If you’re thinking of telling me how Ron Paul would ~~not~~ handle this, please think again.

I went to the grocery store this morning. For some reason Ashton Kutcher gets to act like a dog, and Demi Moore is on the cover of all the tabloids speculating on how hot a mess she is.

I watch SyFy now. I was surprised too. They show reruns of something called Ghost Whisperer. Jennifer Love Hewitt and her boobs talk to ghosts and their loved ones to clear up any loose ends. She also runs and antique store, has a baby and a happy marriage. By happy marriage I mean, her husband is totes cool with her talking to ghosts, dies then takes over the body of another dude, then hits his head and remembers he’s the first dude. OK.

He also bathes her. It’s disgusting.

I excercised my right to watch Night o the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave instead of the Florida primary results.

Komen un-un-funded Planned Parenthood. Friday is funday, so I’m not interested in going over the abortion debate, but the informed consent advocate in me thinks this is good in the long run. After this week everyone knows Komen supports Planned Parenthood and can give according to their values. It also might make people scrutinize other charities they give too.

In the interest of scrutinizing charities, I wish we would reconsider this weird marketing… thing… Komen and other “big” charities have created. Charity in America has become buying self-congratulatory rubber bracelets for ~~99%~~ .99 and calling that giving. It bugs me.

Polo tycoon, John Goodman, adopted his girlfriend. Wait for it… He did it to protect his fortune from the family of a man he’s charged with killing in a DUI accident. So he’s evil, just in a different way than headline leads us to believe.

January 25, 2012

GIFFORDS RESIGNATION IS CRUEL IRONY

Giffords and the other victims were shot because she was making herself available to her constituents, specifically constituents who were engaged in the process.

While it’s partly due to addressing her recovery, her choice to resign is also an example that she may be the one politician who sincerely puts the needs of the people ahead of ego and power and ambition.

I hope she can come back.